Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Furious, Yet Guilty Feeling

I apologize if this is not written in perfect form.  I am so furious with Nicholas our oldest son.  I also feel guilty about what has happened.  I wonder if he is acting out.

The boys were suppose to be in bed a while ago.  Ed and I were on the computer and watching TV, winding down for the evening.  Out of the blue the smoke alarm goes off.  I did not think much of it.  They are sensitive.  Maybe the heater set it off.  Ed went to investigate just in case.

A while had passed so I hobble out (remember the sprained ankle) to see what was up.  He was upstairs and I heard Nicholas crying.  I managed to make it up the stairs.  The more I climbed the stronger the smell of smoke was.  I make it to his room and Ed informs me he was setting things on fire.

Nicholas is just screaming leave.  Ed is telling him he is back to no privileges which we have been lightening up on as he has been pretty good.  I just stand there stunned.  I was so angry, so hurt.  Nicholas is so smart.  He know what could happen.  I could not even speak.  I have yet to say anything since it happened.

I so feel this is all my fault as I have not been able to do things like normal.  I wonder if he is feeling he has to take on more because I can't.  Between the ankle and the flaring in my back I have been drugged and in bed most of the last week.  I have been off my feet for over a month now.  Starting little fires seems so extreme. 

I am going to have to be more aware and with them more.  Not sure how when I haven't even been able to take care of myself.  I don't know what I should do or where to go.  I will try and talk to him tomorrow, but I usually get no response.  Ed is better and I will have him involved. 

If he did this because of me I am going to be so heartbroken.  I know a lot of kids do this.  My brother did, though I do believe he was younger the 12.  I just want happy, healthy, well-adjusted boys, but I feel because of Fibromyalgia I am failing them.  I just can't be going all the time and I do just need to rest at times and unfortunately I am done in by time they get home from school.  I will have to figure a way to push through and do more even if I have to suffer as I cannot and will not let my boys suffer because of this thing call Fibromyalgia.

Monday, November 29, 2010

FREE “Fibromyalgia-Chronic Pain News”

   Sign up on the NFA website for this free subscription for one year. 

One of the National Fibromyalgia Association’s goals is to ensure that all of our registered users have access to resources that offer up-to-date and clinically proven information that continues to raise awareness and assist patients improve their quality of life.

In January 2011, a new monthly online report, “Fibromyalgia-Chronic Pain News” will become available by subscription. It will include articles on recent scientific research that will help patients be alerted to better treatment and diagnostic options, updates on events and activities related to FM and chronic pain, access to and information on new treatment opportunities, and much more!

In support of the National Fibromyalgia Association, the publishers of “Fibromyalgia-Chronic Pain News” have agreed to provide a FREE one year subscription of the monthly report to all of the NFA’s registered users beginning in January. We hope that you will enjoy this gift and that it will become a “must read” along your journey to wellness!
National Fibromyalgia Association. A non-profit 501 (C)(3) organization
2121 S. Towne Centre Place, Suite 300, Anaheim, Ca. 92806
Copyright ©1997-2010 National Fibromyalgia Association (NFA) All rights reserved.

Friend's Blog on Husband's Depression

I wanted to share this blog; http://shannonpryce.blog.com/.  It is a friend of mine from Avon who's husband suffers from debilitating depression.

  I have suffered with Depression and Anxiety many years and it is very common with Fibromyalgia, so I thought you may be interested in following this as well.  Depression can cause a flare in your Fibromyalgia symptoms and it also caused by dealing with Fibromyalgia.  It can be a vicious cycle not only for us with Fibro, but those who suffter from Depression.

 It runs in my family and I am grateful that I am aware enough to get help.  Unfortunately others have not and suicides have prevailed.  I refuse to let it win.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving in the Land of Medicine

I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving.  We who have Fibromyalgia do have a hard time focusing on the good things in life.  I try everyday to be thankful for something as it helps the spirit.  As tough as times are I have a lot to be thankful for.

This year I will be in a bit of a fog.  I am in a major flare with my Fibromyalgia and it is making this Thanksgiving hard to be thankful.  I am in pain because of my ankle sprain.  The boot I wear to help that heal is throwing my back out and the Fibromyalgia compounds it 100 fold.

I did go to the doctor's office after physical therapy yesterday and more or less demanded to see my doctor.  I was in tears I hurt so bad.  Thanks to one of the wonderful front office girls who went back on my behalf was able to get them to see me.  So I am grateful that she cared enough to help.  My doctor upped my muscle relaxants to twice a day and wants me to take Vicoden every 6 hours for pain.  Needless to say I am out of it.

By being out of it, the guilt is creeping in.  I can't do anything.  I am suppose to stay in bed and give my back complete rest.  I feel like I am neglecting my family.  I know I am not, but it is how I feel.  I can't cook, clean, do laundry, much less put out the holiday decorations like normal.  Will have to wait a bit longer this year.

We are going to Ed's sister's for Thanksgiving Dinner so I don't have to worry about that.  We are to bring appetizers (something I am famous for ), but Ed is going to have to make them this year.  He will probably involve the boys so good time for them, but I hate putting that on him after these 14 hour days he has been working.

I will be just a blob at Thanksgiving Dinner as the medicines make me sleep.  But grateful that they are at least dulling the pain some.  I know I can be asleep and comfortable at my sister in law's so that helps. 

Black Friday shopping is out for me this year as well.  I am so disappointed.  I have gone every year with one of my closest friends since we have know each other, something like 17 or 18 years.  I worry that I have let her down even though I know she understands.  Grateful her twin sister and another friend who were going to join us will be able to go out with her and she won't miss out.

Sitting here semi in a fog I still know I have many blessings.  I have a loving family, caring friends, and so many other things to be grateful for.  So I wish everyone the very best for Thanksgiving and to remind you to focus on our blessings instead of the things that bring us down.  In the long run positive thought will bring positive results.

Happy Thanksgiving and many blessing to one and all.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Who is Who in the Kurgin Family

Wondering who I am, and why I started this Blog?  This is an introduction of myself and my family.  You will learn a bit about each of us and please ask questions if you want to learn more.

I am Shannon.  I have been married to my wonderful husband Edward (Ed) since October 1995.  We have 3 great boys.  I have stayed at home since 3 weeks before Nicholas our oldest was born.  I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom.  I also started working from home 5 years ago as an Avon Representative.  Shortly after starting the adventure with Avon I was able to take on the roll of a District Administrative Assistant with an Avon Manager.  I absolutely love helping others be a success.  Recently I also took on a position of appointment maker for a local health insurance agent.

Edward as I call him, Ed as most others do, is my husband.  I love him dearly.  He is very support of me and my challenges and successes.  He is a Robotic Weld Tech, which means he programs and repairs welding robotics for a company that supplies parts to car companies.  Edward is a wonderful dad as well.  He always makes times for the boys and I  even when working 14 hour days.  I could not be married to a better man and the boys could not have a better dad.

Our first born is Nicholas.  He is now 12 years old and one very smart, stubborn kid.  He is a self proclaimed nerd (I guess it is cool to be one now).  He loves school and his career goal is to be a Physicist.  He could definitely do it if he applies himself.  Nicholas does like to take the easy road though at times and we do tend to butt heads.  Many say it is because we are alike.  He is very involved with Boy Scouts, Builders Club, and does do some sports.

Jacob is number 2. He is 8 years old and in 3rd. grade.   He is hard to explain at times.  He is definitely all boy.  Rough and Tough.  Jacob scares me terribly as he seems to have no fear.  He is extremely active.  Loves to run and play.  Jacob is not one to sit still.  He would rather be out playing sports then a lot of other things.  He is also extremely smart.  He wants to go into the service when he is older.  Even though he is not lovey, dovey, he would be the one that would stand up for me first and foremost.

Our baby is Caleb.  He loves the role of being the baby of the family.  Caleb is a lot like Jacob.  A boy to the core.  Hard to believe we were told he was a girl and he came home to a pink room and clothes.  Caleb is a snuggler and loving little boy.  He is also a football and sports fanatic.  He cried when the Olympics were over as he loved watching them.  When we watch sports either on TV or when the boys are playing he knows the rules, much better then I do, and calls out corrections.  Caleb started Kindergarten this year so it is my first year home alone all day in 12 years. 

We also have pets that are considered family.  We have 2 cats.  Ate' is a Siamese and almost 18 years old.  She has been with me ever since I moved out on my own.  Ellery is our other cat.  I rescued her when I was doing an Avon Appointment.  She was stuck up in a tree.  Ellery means top of the tree.  Tucker is our newest addition.  He is an almost 6 month Border Collie.  He has almost as much energy as the boys.

As a family are biggest thing we like to do is camp.  We have a seasonal campsite and spend most weekends there during the summer.  It is a little getaway for us.  We are close and love spending family time together.  If we actually get a chance to be home and not running from thing to thing we like to curl up, watch movie, and have what we call snacky dinner. 

We all believe family and friends come first next to God.  We try to be a morally sound family and are always working on making sure we live by values we feel are important.  Without family and friends you are poor no matter how rich you are.  This is The Kurgin Family in a nutshell.

I started this blog as a way to help others.  I am no expert on Fibromyalgia other then that I live with it.  I want to share my experiences living with Fibromyalgia especially as it relates to being a mom and wife.  I define myself as a mom and wife and it is what I want out of life.  Fibromyalgia makes it a struggle to be the one I want, but as I learn, I know I can be.  Some days the house will be a mess, but my love for my family will be there and that will get us through everything.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

When Mommy Hurts: Introductions Must Wait

When Mommy Hurts: Introductions Must Wait: "Today I was going to introduce myself and my family in detail. Instead this is just a quick short post to say that it is one of my down day..."

Introductions Must Wait

Today I was going to introduce myself and my family in detail.  Instead this is just a quick short post to say that it is one of my down days.  I just don't have the energy or mind power to type it all out.  This is one of the struggles I have with my Fibromyalgia. 

I've had many stressors lately and it has caught up to me.  I am in bed today not just because of a sprained ankle that won't heal but because of exhaustion, pain from head to to, and complete feeling of wanting to hide.  Enjoying quiet till boys get home.  I do have to go to dog class tonight but my oldest is going with me and he can help handle and work the puppy. 

I will get up my introductions as soon as I feel better and can focus on letting you know who we are and why this blog is so important.  Remember you must listen to you body and take time for yourself to recover when need.  That is what I must do today.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"Find Me On BlogFrog!"



Cool and fun ideas from my friend and co-worker Liza. Great ideas that are a ton of fun for kids and adults alike. Check it out today.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Understanding Trigger Points/Tender Points

Let's talk about dealing with Trigger Points.  This is just information I have learned over the years trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  Trigger Points are points on your body that when lightly pressed causes pain.  Much more pain then it should when touch by the light pressure.  Many call them Tender Points.  See Picture below for where Trigger points are typically located.
 I call them Trigger Points as they cause pain, though I do believe there is a difference technically between Trigger and Tender Points.  All I know is I have these spots and they hurt.  As an example of how much they can hurt I will use an experience I have almost daily.

I have a Siamese cat that is almost 18 years old and she loves to lay on me.  At her heaviest she weighed 8 pounds and she has lost weight recently as her health is deteriorating.  If she steps or walks on certain areas of me her little feet will send me screaming in pain.  I have to be careful not to yell at her or push her off as it's not her fault and she has always done this.  I just have to coax her to another spot.  She barely touches but it hurts.

I have 3 boys.  They are great boys, well most of the time, but they are boys and they are rough.  Even as babies they were rougher then the girls I know.  So they come to give a hug or rub my back trying to be nice to me, but they don't understand how a touch can make mommy not feel good, especially my 5 year old and youngest.  Some days I just don't want to be touched and it is a very hard as a mom not to want to hug your kids because you know it will hurt.  I usually just cringe and go through the pain as I want my boys to feel loved.  As they get older it is tougher to hide it from them.

If you think you have Trigger/Tender points talk with your doctor.  Be persistent.  Though you may not have the so called criteria, but still be suffering from Fibromyalgia.  Unfortunately this is the closest to a test we have, but it really is not a great diagnostic tool.  It is more a process of eliminating anything else that could be wrong.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Got a Boot, And Not the One I Wanted

October 23rd. was going to be a great night.  Going to a friends for a Halloween Party.  Had a babysitter for the boys.  Was going to sit back and have some much needed fun with friends.  That is exactly what I did.  Then it was time to leave.

We said our goodbyes and proceeded to head out the door.  As I was taking a step off the porch I was being warned about the step.  It was a different length down then typical.  The warning came as I was already in the process of stepping.  At that point not sure what happened.  Did I twist it or just step too hard?  Whatever, it was hurt.  Not thinking too much about it we headed home.  I do this kind of stuff all the time.

The next morning I was swollen and bruised on the ankle and foot.  Ok, I sprained it again.  Wrap it up and stay off it for a few days.  Saturday night was the party and by Tuesday the bruising was spreading so I go to the doctor.  Diagnoses, sprain, stay off.

As of today it has been 17 day and it is worse then ever.  Went back to doctor, got new set up x-rays this time including the foot as well as the ankle.  I was sent to a medical supply store to get a walking boot.  To get it on correctly the make it hurt more.  Now I have this lovely thing to where, wait on x-ray results, and start physical therapy next week.

All the hobbling is through my back off and I am feeling a flare coming on.  I hope I can keep that to a minimum.  I want to get back to normal.  The boys think this is a free for all.  Not only can mommy not go after them like normal, which isn't too well, now she can't at all.  Choas is only getting worse for now.

Sad part is I have been looking for a pair of boots I like and will fit me.  Today I got one.  Only one and it is ugly.  Not at all what I had in mind.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Fibro Fog Strike Again

This is a little story that happened to me during the fall.  This represents some of my days dealing with Fibromyalgia and the Fibro Fog.  
Fibro fog makes you think you are losing your mind. You can’t remember a thing.  You are easily distracted and no longer can multitask.  I had a wonderful memory.  I never needed a calendar, though  I kept one around just in case.  Now I can be looking at my calendar and forget to do something.  Yes it can be that bad at times.
Today, for example I have been thinking it is Thursday all day when in actuality it is Tuesday.  Kept thinking of the stuff I had to do then and then realizing I did not have to do it for 2 days.  I had it in my mind it was my day to pick up my oldest son Nicholas and his friend from football practice being my day to drive and all.  I was settled in at home with the 2 younger boys and my husband was on his way home.  Bright idea came.  I’d call him and have him grab the boys. 
I get on the phone with Ed.  I ask him to pick up the boys from practice on his way home.  He reminds me that it was not our turn to drive and again that it is Tuesday. 
This is just one of the many DUH moments I have a day.  My mind seems to have slipped completely away.  Maybe it is the busy schedule, maybe it is the medicines I take, but the term Fibro Fog ( a cognitive problem that causes forgetfulness, lack of concentration, and trouble learning things) that many of us with Fibromyalgia use seems to be the perfect description. 

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Getting a Fibromyalgia Diagnosis

Fibromyalgia is probably one of the hardest things to get diagnosed.  Many doctors are in disbelief that it is a valid disorder.  My own doctor, himself doesn’t like to use the “label” Fibromyalgia. He told me this on my many visits.  He felt like it was a term that was too broad and a catch all for anything that could not be answered.  Part of this is due to the overlapping of symptoms with other diseases.
WebMD.com lists the most common symptoms of Fibromyalgia as:
·         Chronic muscle pain
·         Muscle spasms or leg cramps
·         Sleep problems
·         Severe fatigue
·         Anxiety
·         Depression
·         Morning stiffness
·         Headaches
·         Difficulty concentrating
·         Skin sensitivities
·         Irritability
·         Intestinal problems
These symptoms are related to so many other diseases and disorders, from Arthritis to Lupus and many things in between.  I personally have been told it is my anxiety, my depression.  Let’s look at the blood work up.  Nothing found other than a bit of inflammation, probably caused by the Fibromyalgia.  Take a ton of x-rays, MRIs, and more blood. Finally I went to a back doctor and because he and my primary physician couldn’t find anything, they finally agreed with me.  They diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia even though neither of them completely agreed with the diagnoses. 
It can be a very long and frustrating process to get diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  There are no tests at this time to take to prove you have it. There is a trigger point assessment some rely on where you have to have 11 of the 18 points.   Diagnosing Fibromyalgia is a process of eliminating any other possible cause.  For some it can take years of being told nothing is wrong before you finally get that diagnoses that proves to you that it is not all in your head and that what you feel is for real.