Sunday, February 27, 2011

Flaring Yet Better

Just finished round three of antibiotics.  YEAH!  The last ones were really rough on stomach.  I hope this means I have beaten all the yuckies I had in my system.

That being said I think being sick for so long is starting a major flare though I did have a few changes in things this weekend.  Out and about more, new shoes finally for that sprained ankle (so great), and riding in the car a good chunk of the weekend.  All I know is I am really hurting in my lower back and neck. 

I think my body has been drained.  I am trying to get back to normal so I can do more with the boys and make then be the great kids I know are in them. I need to be more hands on then I have been, but it is so hard some days.  I also need to get this house in shape again.  Everything is so far behind and trashed. 

I am still struggling with my ankle and unless doctor says no my Physical Therapist wants to continue for at least another month.  I do know it is getting better and the new shoes seem to really help.  It is still sore especially with certain movements but I see improvement finally.

It is great to feel some improvements but at the same time if I am starting to flare I am not sure how I will react emotionally.  I already want to hide from the world.  It will set back my goals once again.  That is hard as I want so much done, but I know to take small steps at a time.  Just need no one to trash faster then my steps. 

I will be working out of home tomorrow and my wonderful husband is taking Tuesday off to car shop.  Looking for a car for him to drive to work and possibly a car for me so we can park our Expedition that is old, but we need to last for the camper.  I think Wednesday I will take a day of resting and relaxing outside of Avon work I do from home and if I am up to a few small tasks. 

Chores are always there, but it feels good to see I may be able to do some really, really soon.  Just avoid all nasty little germy bugs, get ankle better and start caring for myself better.  Maybe, just maybe I can have this flare pass quickly so I can again try to be the mom and wife I struggle to be daily.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Tough Times

Times have been tough even though I was determine to take charge and make 2011 a better year.  I have really been struggling to feel good.  I am still trying to heal my sprained ankle since October.  For about a month and half I have been struggling with a bad, nasty bug.  It went from cold, to strep and ear infections, back to cold and a sinus infection and a nose full of pus.  Yes, I know gross.

I have been in Physical Therapy twice a week and they have added pool therapy as well for my ankle.  It is a bit better.  I have orthotics now and need to go get fitted for better shoes.  My lack of activity is really taking its toll on me though.  I notice how weak I have become since I sprained my ankle and I would not say I was strong to start.

I am falling into a depression again.  My 3 boys are hand full and I can't chase them down and make them do as told.  They are definately taking advantage of that.  House is trashed, laudry is piled sky high, nothing is ever put away.  I hate it and it makes me feel worse.  I can't get upset with hubby.  He tries but works a minimum of 12-14 hours a day right now.  His car died and we need money to get a new one. 

Between being sick, not being able to walk much, and depression I am sleeping a lot and not doing much of anything if I can avoid it.  My Avon administrative work does keep me going fortunately.  It does give me a sense of accomplishment at least even though nothing else in my life does.

Winter has been long and cold which does not help any motivation.  I hope we will have some sun and warmer weather very soon and then maybe I can do a few things.  There are things I can do without being on my feet, I just can't get myself to do them.  I am in a vicious cycle of guilt.  I need to break that.  Guilty I can't do stuff, guilty that I put it on Ed, guilty I lose my patience with the boys. 

I know spring and summer will be better.  The warmth and sun helps my mood and energy level.  Plus I get little getaways to our camper.  I think what I need is a vacation with a maid at home cleaning so I can come home to everything in order instead of chaos.  Wish I could do that.  Maybe one day.