Friday, February 18, 2011

Tough Times

Times have been tough even though I was determine to take charge and make 2011 a better year.  I have really been struggling to feel good.  I am still trying to heal my sprained ankle since October.  For about a month and half I have been struggling with a bad, nasty bug.  It went from cold, to strep and ear infections, back to cold and a sinus infection and a nose full of pus.  Yes, I know gross.

I have been in Physical Therapy twice a week and they have added pool therapy as well for my ankle.  It is a bit better.  I have orthotics now and need to go get fitted for better shoes.  My lack of activity is really taking its toll on me though.  I notice how weak I have become since I sprained my ankle and I would not say I was strong to start.

I am falling into a depression again.  My 3 boys are hand full and I can't chase them down and make them do as told.  They are definately taking advantage of that.  House is trashed, laudry is piled sky high, nothing is ever put away.  I hate it and it makes me feel worse.  I can't get upset with hubby.  He tries but works a minimum of 12-14 hours a day right now.  His car died and we need money to get a new one. 

Between being sick, not being able to walk much, and depression I am sleeping a lot and not doing much of anything if I can avoid it.  My Avon administrative work does keep me going fortunately.  It does give me a sense of accomplishment at least even though nothing else in my life does.

Winter has been long and cold which does not help any motivation.  I hope we will have some sun and warmer weather very soon and then maybe I can do a few things.  There are things I can do without being on my feet, I just can't get myself to do them.  I am in a vicious cycle of guilt.  I need to break that.  Guilty I can't do stuff, guilty that I put it on Ed, guilty I lose my patience with the boys. 

I know spring and summer will be better.  The warmth and sun helps my mood and energy level.  Plus I get little getaways to our camper.  I think what I need is a vacation with a maid at home cleaning so I can come home to everything in order instead of chaos.  Wish I could do that.  Maybe one day.

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