Bridesmaid Duties Love/Hurt Relationship

This past weekend was a lot of fun.  My best friend from high school is finally getting married in May and this past weekend was her weekend.  We had the bachlorette party and bridal shower all in one weekend due to out of town bridal party members.

Saturday night was the bachlorette party.  Besides having a bit, maybe bit too much, to drink I was completely off my sleep schedule.  I don't do late nights often at all as they affect me way too much.  The killer was the dancing though, but my friend loves to dance and I was going to dance with her no matter how much it hurt me.

Sunday was the Bridal Shower.  I know I did not do the majority of the work, but I did everything I was asked and could for it.  Turn out to be a wonderful shower.  By time we left the church after the shower I was barely able to walk.  I helped with all clean up and everything that needed to be done that morning before the shower.  I was happy to help.  Again pushed the body too far.

Now I think I can relax until the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding.  I know that weekend will do me in.  I plan to rest up before and after just like this one.  Since I got home from the shower till now I basically have been in bed and barely able to walk.

I know this is a lot for my body.  I also know I love my friend and would do anything for her and I feel blessed to be part of her biggest day that I plow through with no complaints to her and just do what I can to help myself through.  The hardest part I can think of now is with a bum ankle how am I going to wear hears to walk down the aisle?  As everything else it shall work out one way or the other.

Anxiety Overwhelms

Oh Boy!  It has surely been tough lately for me emotionally.  I am sinking lower and hiding from the world.  The stressors in my life have been non stop.  As you know with Fibromyalgia stress, anxiety and depression go hand in hand and feed off one another.

Since Friday night last week I have had a ton of panic attacks.  Some of it brought on by the fact I realized then I had to put down my beloved Siamese Ate' that has been part of my life for 18 plus years.  She was with me since I have been on my own as an adult.  Saturday morning was extremely sad and difficult for me.

Then my boys who I love more then anything and revolve my life around have been pushing me to my limits.  Complete disrespect for Ed, me and our home.  They trash the house, which I just can't keep up on.  The boys refuse to do their chores or help out.  It does not matter what we take away from them.  Stress, Stress, Stress.  Three boys, 3 stressors. 

Those are big things and usually will stress most anyone at any time.  Well I am noticing little things are getting to me as well.  I drop a fork or something as an example and I will break down and cry.  The tension in body is so bad.  The tension is causing pain.  If you touch me it hurts.  Have to remind hubby to do gentle hugs. 

Called the doctor.  Talked with his nurse and they upped one of my medications and he wants to see me.  The kicker is I can't get in till Monday.  I called this past Monday when I had no control of my panic attacks.  I don't know if I sounded bad, but the nurse made sure I knew where the Psychiatric E. R. was at U of M Hospital.  I am not suicidal.  Just sick of everything.  I am sure I will be a lot better by time I go in so I don't see a point, but I will go and spill the latest to him.  Maybe a medicine change is needed.  I know he wants me in counseling which we have not figured out in our budget, but I may just have to break down and go. 

My husband, Ed has been wonderful.  He is so supportive and loving when I meltdown.  I feel guilty to put it on him, hence more stress, more panic attacks, and more pain.   I am blessed with him and other family and friends who support me and are always there for me when I am down.

Anxiety, Depression, Fibromyalgia play on one another from my experience.  Anxiety causes pain, pain causes Depression and the cycle continues till you can break it.  Someone with our condition of Fibromyalgia has a hard time breaking this cycle.  I do know we need lots of love and support.  Medicines and counseling can help.  Perseverance through life is a must. 

When things overwhelmed you and you don't think you can do it.  Remember you are a worthwhile person and that you are loved.  Get help if need and turn to others who understand.  Never go it alone.

Laundry a Dreaded Job

This a task that must be done and with a family several times a week if not every day.  I just got done reading an article on making laundry easier with Fibromyalgia  on Facebook from About.com.  It was great as I am doing laundry today and I am so far behind on it.  It is the only real task I am doing besides going shopping for tile with hubby when he is home from work.

Ideas to make it easier are many.  Things listed in the article are great and I do some of them myself.  Don't use large baskets.  They are awkward and if loaded up are too heavy for us to carry.  Use small baskets especially if you have to carry up stairs.  I don't carry upstairs as I have my boys put away their own laundry. 

Make sure you take breaks between loads and kinds of loads.  If you have a lot of clothes you must hang either wash with items folded or make sure the next load is a folded load, that way you are doing a repetitive action too many times at one.  When I do laundry I start a load, dry a load and fold a load, then rest till time to switch it all again.  If my boys or husband are home I ask them to help change from washer to dryer to save that bending and twisting step since we do not have a front load set on pedestals.  One thing I want and would recommend to anyone with Fibro or any back problems. 

I have a counter in the laundry room to fold laundry on, but isn't the easiest to use when more then a load or too so I fold laundry in my bedroom on the bed.  The master bedroom is on the main floor so that is not too hard to do if the basket is not too heavy.  Then it all has to be put away before bed.  Each person in our family does their own.  My little trick to get it put away. 

Try and keep your laundry products where you can reach them easily.  Don't buys large containers.  If you want to buy in bulk like I do have a smaller container to divide it up in.  I like powdered soap as I can just take a scoop instead of lifting a large jug. 

I have large baskets in the laundry room to sort clothes into.  Another thing everyone is suppose to do is to sort there clothe accordingly.  Whites, colors, darks, jean, and hubby's work clothes.  Then I don't have to take hampers and sort all at once.  I can run a load when I see the basket is full enough for a load.

Now I do struggle to get everyone to help.  I do get laundry piled in bathrooms or bedrooms and I have to be on the boys and Ed to pick up and sort, but it is a pretty good thing when all do what is expected.  Setting the expectation is the hardest.  Even the youngest at 5 can do these small things to help.  A few simple changes and help from others makes a very hard job into a tolerable one.

Stress, Guilt, Flare

Today is the day of the Flare.  Started off wonderful.  Good news from ankle doctor and physical therapist.  Going to try and wean off therapy session and just do at home.  Insuring, plating, and changing the title of the car we bought for my husband, Ed to drive to work.  Made decision about whether to do floor or get me a car with better gas mileage - floors won. 

We were out running a few more errands.  Then we were going to see about getting the flooring for the kitchen and dining area and maybe the living room even though I was hurting I felt good. Sun was out, a bit warmer then it has been, then BAM!  Our Expedition starts making this noise and rubber burning smell.  OK, we thought tire.  Nope, something blew.

We hobble to O'Reilly's Auto Parts Store to see if we can get tools and parts to fix.  Spark plug was unscrewed not blow, good.  New coil, plug, maybe something else.  Hubby's job.  Got that done still running rough.  I am melting down long before this.  Everything around us has been breaking.

Decide to look at this used Excursion again.  Not sure if we should do it out not.  We decided to see what trade in would be and if we can get a loan.  Some hiccups on credit right now due to so much happening.  Waiting on that answer.  I am not a good waiter.  Gives time to worry and stress. 

Well stress and worry is not something a person with Fibromyalgia should be doing.  Stress either physical or emotional as I have read in many articles is a huge reason for a flare.  Well physically I have had a lot of stress with being sick forever and the ankle.  I have daily stress of the boys, animal, house, etc.  Now all of this car trouble. 

Finally thought we were out of it.  Got Ed a work car, return in laws car after a break down, tow, and easy fix.  Now my vehicle is going to give us an issue???  I am ready to go back to horse and buggy days. 

How come stress must cause pain?  How come I can't deal with the stress?  Stress puts me into panic attacks and flares as well as depression.  Then I am in bed with heat and medicine missing out on my boys.  Then the guilt factor comes in, which causes stress, pain, flares, and attacks.  It is such a vicious circle.  Many will say exercise.  That is something I want to start doing again, but the ankle is not ready quite yet for that. 

Then I have the most wonderful husband who takes care of everything when I am down like this.  He takes care of the boys, orders pizza, tries to reason with me which is not an easy task.  He tries to point out the good and help me not stress and relax.  Of course, I feel guilty for that with how hard he works to take care of the boys and I .  Not all men are the man he is.  Even the boys know to be nice when I am like this.  They may not help out, but they tell me they want me to feel good and not hurt.  They will give gentle hugs. Gentle not easy for boys.

I am blessed in many, many ways, so why do I let myself do this to myself and my family.  I need to learn to handle stress so much better.  I know that exercise is a great stress reliever.  I have started saying nightly prayers again when I go to bed and it does seem to be helping.  Meditation would probably be great too.  Don't know how.  Maybe I need to look that up and start that.  We as Fibromites must keep stress at a minimum or we will be knocked down hard.  I know I have been right now and will struggle for a bit to get control of my body again, so please learn from me to let things go, especially the little things so you can live a better life with less pain.

Flaring Yet Better

Just finished round three of antibiotics.  YEAH!  The last ones were really rough on stomach.  I hope this means I have beaten all the yuckies I had in my system.

That being said I think being sick for so long is starting a major flare though I did have a few changes in things this weekend.  Out and about more, new shoes finally for that sprained ankle (so great), and riding in the car a good chunk of the weekend.  All I know is I am really hurting in my lower back and neck. 

I think my body has been drained.  I am trying to get back to normal so I can do more with the boys and make then be the great kids I know are in them. I need to be more hands on then I have been, but it is so hard some days.  I also need to get this house in shape again.  Everything is so far behind and trashed. 

I am still struggling with my ankle and unless doctor says no my Physical Therapist wants to continue for at least another month.  I do know it is getting better and the new shoes seem to really help.  It is still sore especially with certain movements but I see improvement finally.

It is great to feel some improvements but at the same time if I am starting to flare I am not sure how I will react emotionally.  I already want to hide from the world.  It will set back my goals once again.  That is hard as I want so much done, but I know to take small steps at a time.  Just need no one to trash faster then my steps. 

I will be working out of home tomorrow and my wonderful husband is taking Tuesday off to car shop.  Looking for a car for him to drive to work and possibly a car for me so we can park our Expedition that is old, but we need to last for the camper.  I think Wednesday I will take a day of resting and relaxing outside of Avon work I do from home and if I am up to a few small tasks. 

Chores are always there, but it feels good to see I may be able to do some really, really soon.  Just avoid all nasty little germy bugs, get ankle better and start caring for myself better.  Maybe, just maybe I can have this flare pass quickly so I can again try to be the mom and wife I struggle to be daily.

Tough Times

Times have been tough even though I was determine to take charge and make 2011 a better year.  I have really been struggling to feel good.  I am still trying to heal my sprained ankle since October.  For about a month and half I have been struggling with a bad, nasty bug.  It went from cold, to strep and ear infections, back to cold and a sinus infection and a nose full of pus.  Yes, I know gross.

I have been in Physical Therapy twice a week and they have added pool therapy as well for my ankle.  It is a bit better.  I have orthotics now and need to go get fitted for better shoes.  My lack of activity is really taking its toll on me though.  I notice how weak I have become since I sprained my ankle and I would not say I was strong to start.

I am falling into a depression again.  My 3 boys are hand full and I can't chase them down and make them do as told.  They are definately taking advantage of that.  House is trashed, laudry is piled sky high, nothing is ever put away.  I hate it and it makes me feel worse.  I can't get upset with hubby.  He tries but works a minimum of 12-14 hours a day right now.  His car died and we need money to get a new one. 

Between being sick, not being able to walk much, and depression I am sleeping a lot and not doing much of anything if I can avoid it.  My Avon administrative work does keep me going fortunately.  It does give me a sense of accomplishment at least even though nothing else in my life does.

Winter has been long and cold which does not help any motivation.  I hope we will have some sun and warmer weather very soon and then maybe I can do a few things.  There are things I can do without being on my feet, I just can't get myself to do them.  I am in a vicious cycle of guilt.  I need to break that.  Guilty I can't do stuff, guilty that I put it on Ed, guilty I lose my patience with the boys. 

I know spring and summer will be better.  The warmth and sun helps my mood and energy level.  Plus I get little getaways to our camper.  I think what I need is a vacation with a maid at home cleaning so I can come home to everything in order instead of chaos.  Wish I could do that.  Maybe one day.

Working From Home May Help With Your Job

Many people with Fibromyalgia find it hard to work a regular job. If you are having trouble getting into the office or working the long hours it may be time to start thinking of ideas to earn an income out of the box. Here is a link for a very dear friend of mine who is a writer.

Career Advice: Writing Online- A Web Writers Begining

Kelly has helped many people see the potential of Work From/At Home Jobs. If I had not met Kelly I may not have my position as and administrative assistant with Avon. She coaxed and coached me into asking others for an opportunity to work from home. I chose to sell Avon as I love the products (purchase at www.YourAvon.com/skurgin) and because of Kelly I asked my manager shortly after I started if there was ever anything needed in the District to keep me in mind to help.

Shortly later she had me make a few phone calls for demostration items. Then Avon changed its policy on administrative assistants. They could not do Leadership and be in this position due to the sensitive material we deal with. A spot opened up and I have been an admin. for 4 years now.

This was a great move for me. It is not a huge amount of money, but my hours are flexible and I work with great representatives and managers. My position is mainly from home and I have been very lucky that the managers I have worked with understand my condition of Fibromyalgia. For me being an administrative assistant is much more of a fit then Avon sales. I do sell, but not a whole lot as I took a step back to help others. It is the balancing of family, friends, and work. For me I chose the admin. work, where you may have chose sales and Leadership.

This is only my story of working from home. If you start networking you could too. If you work outside the home, the first step may be talking with your boss. Talk with family and friends. Just keep asking and networking and at some point it will pay off. You do need to be careful online. There are many get rich schemes out there. A job is a job and you will work, but your can work around your pain, family schedule and be in the comfort of your home. If you are offered a job and they ask for money, sorry that is not anything but a scam. NEVER pay for a job.

You won't want to whine about your fibro to your boss or potential employer. Let them know what you can for them. You will probably be more productive if your job is something that can be done at home as you will feel better because you can take care of yourself better. A short nap if needed, comfortable clothes verses suits and dress shoes.


What can it hurt to start asking if this is something you want to do? You may be turned down, but keep at it and it will pay off if you truely want to work from home. I did and I don't regret one moment.