Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Stress, Guilt, Flare

Today is the day of the Flare.  Started off wonderful.  Good news from ankle doctor and physical therapist.  Going to try and wean off therapy session and just do at home.  Insuring, plating, and changing the title of the car we bought for my husband, Ed to drive to work.  Made decision about whether to do floor or get me a car with better gas mileage - floors won. 

We were out running a few more errands.  Then we were going to see about getting the flooring for the kitchen and dining area and maybe the living room even though I was hurting I felt good. Sun was out, a bit warmer then it has been, then BAM!  Our Expedition starts making this noise and rubber burning smell.  OK, we thought tire.  Nope, something blew.

We hobble to O'Reilly's Auto Parts Store to see if we can get tools and parts to fix.  Spark plug was unscrewed not blow, good.  New coil, plug, maybe something else.  Hubby's job.  Got that done still running rough.  I am melting down long before this.  Everything around us has been breaking.

Decide to look at this used Excursion again.  Not sure if we should do it out not.  We decided to see what trade in would be and if we can get a loan.  Some hiccups on credit right now due to so much happening.  Waiting on that answer.  I am not a good waiter.  Gives time to worry and stress. 

Well stress and worry is not something a person with Fibromyalgia should be doing.  Stress either physical or emotional as I have read in many articles is a huge reason for a flare.  Well physically I have had a lot of stress with being sick forever and the ankle.  I have daily stress of the boys, animal, house, etc.  Now all of this car trouble. 

Finally thought we were out of it.  Got Ed a work car, return in laws car after a break down, tow, and easy fix.  Now my vehicle is going to give us an issue???  I am ready to go back to horse and buggy days. 

How come stress must cause pain?  How come I can't deal with the stress?  Stress puts me into panic attacks and flares as well as depression.  Then I am in bed with heat and medicine missing out on my boys.  Then the guilt factor comes in, which causes stress, pain, flares, and attacks.  It is such a vicious circle.  Many will say exercise.  That is something I want to start doing again, but the ankle is not ready quite yet for that. 

Then I have the most wonderful husband who takes care of everything when I am down like this.  He takes care of the boys, orders pizza, tries to reason with me which is not an easy task.  He tries to point out the good and help me not stress and relax.  Of course, I feel guilty for that with how hard he works to take care of the boys and I .  Not all men are the man he is.  Even the boys know to be nice when I am like this.  They may not help out, but they tell me they want me to feel good and not hurt.  They will give gentle hugs. Gentle not easy for boys.

I am blessed in many, many ways, so why do I let myself do this to myself and my family.  I need to learn to handle stress so much better.  I know that exercise is a great stress reliever.  I have started saying nightly prayers again when I go to bed and it does seem to be helping.  Meditation would probably be great too.  Don't know how.  Maybe I need to look that up and start that.  We as Fibromites must keep stress at a minimum or we will be knocked down hard.  I know I have been right now and will struggle for a bit to get control of my body again, so please learn from me to let things go, especially the little things so you can live a better life with less pain.

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