I am feeling like a failure this year to my boys for the holidays. As I am writing this I am in tears from pain and letting my boys and husband down, but I am doing this so you that suffer with Fibromyalgia know you are not alone. This is one of the hardest times of the year for us as we have more to do from decorating and get together. I have an added scare with my first mammogram which has just pushed me over the edge.
I was in so much pain last night I took Vicoden. Which makes me have a "hangover" the next day so I was asleep on and off all morning and did not get Jacob and Caleb uptown to Santa, Nicholas is at a camp out for Boy Scouts and I really don't think he can still believe at 13 years old. So there is one guilty feeling. Then I wanted to bake some cookies today, even if they were the pre-cut ones. Again, I just can't do it. I could barely pick up my laptop.
I know why I am flaring and it is expected, but it does not make the hurt and guilt go away. I had my 2nd mammogram and ultrasound on Thursday. Not only painful positions but the stress. Fortunately it is OK. Just some cysts to follow, but a few weeks of stress and worry. Then yesterday I threw Caleb's class holiday party, which was fun and great to do, but it took its toll on my body with everything combined.
Tomorrow I am looking forward to going to a friend's for a little Christmas party with some of my best friends. That will be OK, but we all take a appetizer to pass and I love to make them and do something really good and different, but I am thinking it will be more of a antipasto platter with store bought stuff. I really don't think I can be out there cooking and stuff.
I have a ton of wrapping to do this coming week, especially the stuff for the boys before they are out of school. Going to have friends from Florida spend one night when they come up to get their kids for Christmas break. Again a good thing, but a bit more to add to the list. We will sit back and have some fun catching up which is good for me and they understand all I go through so I don't have to panic about the house and stuff too much.
Right now I am just laying here wondering if I should take some pain medicine and just give up. I want this time of year to be wonderful for my family and myself. I need to figure out what i can do to make it seem festive without killing myself. Maybe I do need today to be a down day, then I can go from here and get things done. Shortcuts will be needed. Maybe go to dollar store and all non Santa gifts are in bags this year or something. Maybe buy a platter of cookies somewhere so we can enjoy them and just not the baking part this year. I don't know right now, but I do know I have to do somethings to make it easier so I can be full force for the really important things. I hope you are figuring out ways to make the holidays enjoyable and pain free with shortcuts so you have the energy to do what you feel is important.