Today is the boys first official day off school for the Holiday/Christmas Break. Friday was their last day until January 3rd. As of now it seems these two weeks are going to be very long. Hard to believe Christmas is only a few days away the way Nicholas, Jacob, and Caleb are acting. Nicholas being the worst.
I am very frustrated with their behavior. I am really trying to get organized and do things to get ready for the holidays. I still have Christmas shopping to do, laundry has piled up again as the washer is not working quite right still, though today I am trying to do some anyhow. The boys trash the house faster then it can be cleaned.
Nicholas and I are fighting over stupid things. He won't do the simplest task. I just chased a 12 year old through the house trying to catch him so I could talk to him and try to get through to him. Instead of that, I manage to get a sharp pain in my ankle and my lower back is throbbing.
All this pain from the ankle sprain and then compound it with the Fibromyalgia it is overwhelming. Then add the holidays, shopping, get togethers, etc., I see a breakdown coming both emotionally and physically. My darling, wonder husband Ed is doing all he can to help, but he is working a lot of hours and should not have to deal with this all as I am home.
I have not wanted to do anything for the holidays. No cookies, decorating (only tree this year), parties, etc. Some of it is the boys and their attitudes and some of it is the constant pain. The stress is making the Fibro worse as well as the cold weather. Here in S.E. Michigan it has been colder then normal. Then the ankle and the stupid walking boot cast I am wearing makes me walk wrong and makes the back hurt a lot. I was watching Christmas with the Kranks last night and that is exactly how I feel.
I really do just want to skip it all. It would be so much easier on me. Though unlike the movie, I would not throw together a party just because my child came home last minute and I had a cruise planned and paid for. Sorry, you may feel that is mean, but without notice that is what would happen. I would be bye-bye. If only I could do that this year. I'd be happy, relaxed, and would feel better on the cruise in the warmth.
Reality is I can't skip it all. I have cut out what I can. Lists of gifts to buy cut, no baking, no decorating. Maybe I'd feel better if I could do that, but the boys just don't deserve or allow it. Living room was cleaned up last night, trashed this morning. My only hope is Ed has a week off between the holidays and maybe I can talk some friends into helping me, though I am so embarrassed, but I need to get help. It is OK to ask for help.
I may see if the boys can go somewhere for a few days to give me a break. I love them so much, but it is so hard to fight all the time and deal with attitudes and defiance. I was ready to have Santa skip our house, but I can't do it. I just can't. Beyond that I feel I am doomed to all this forever or at least a good 15-20 years. I think I need to rely on help and just take it easy. Rest of today will now be babying ankle and hoping washer holds out to get a few things washed at least, as well as doing my Avon Administrative work.
I hope you are having better luck with your children. Please post tips if you have them. I will find someway to have peace as I need to for my health and for a happy family.
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