No More Guilt Needed

Below is an article I just read about the quilt moms with Fibromyalgia feel and worry about how their children will be effected by the conditions.  This article shows there is nothing to feel guilty about and that we actually become closer to our children in many ways.  Hopefully it will reassure you that even when you have to take care of yourself, you can still have a wonderful bond with your kids.

Published on Psychology Today

(http://www.psychologytoday.com)

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Parenting When You Have Fibromyalgia

By Jacob Teitelbaum, MD

Created Apr 13 2011 - 9:47am

Dear Readers,
It is hard enough taking care of yourself and your relationship with your spouse when you have fibromyalgia. But sometimes it breaks women's hearts as they worry about the effect on their children. The good news? It's been my experience that fibromyalgia in parents usually results in their children feeling even more loved and closer to their parents!
You may wonder how you can explain having fibromyalgia to your children without scaring them. Simply let your children know that you have a problem, but that it isn't dangerous. It just leaves you feeling tired and achy sometimes - kind of like when you have a cold or flu. So you can't do everything you'd like to do.
Feeling like they can't be there for their children is one of the hardest things many women with fibromyalgia fear. What I have found in treating thousands of women is that the fibromyalgia actually results in their having a closer and very loving relationship with their kids - because the Mom actually spends more time at home with the children, in settings that are warm and close such as reading a book or watching a movie with them. Because of this, I've seen that the children of women with fibromyalgia usually feel very close to their Moms, feel very loved, and do just fine!
As for your duties to your family, it's important to remember that if you don't take care of yourself first, you won't have anything left to give anyone else. Your body has a "use it or lose it" approach to efficiency. Because of this, if you don't stay somewhat active, you'll decondition and lose function. Do a walking program, but only to a level that feels comfortable. Use a pedometer to monitor your progress. Begin at a level that is comfortable (even if it's walking just a minute or 2) and aim over time to get to the 10,000 steps a day level.
In addition, Yoga and Tai Chi have both been shown to be very effective in helping to decrease pain and increase function in women with fibromyalgia - so these are also highly recommended. For the few of you that are too ill to even walk for a few minutes a day, starting with exercises in a warm water pool, which increases your buoyancy, can increase conditioning to where you can advance to walking and then more active exercises.
Taking care of yourself is a key to having energy for your kids. Having 5 children myself, I'll offer one more thought. If your children know that they are unconditionally loved, they will do just fine - no matter what! And your ability to love your children is something the fibromyalgia can't take away ;-)
Love & blessings,

Dr. T

Jacob Teitelbaum MD, is medical director of the Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Centers, a national group of clinics. He is senior author of "Effective Treatment of CFS and FMS: A Randomized Double-Blind, Placebo-Controlled Study" (Journal of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, 2001:8(2):3-24) and "The Use of D-Ribose in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia: A Pilot Study" (Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine, 2006:12(9):857-862. Dr. Teitelbaum is also the author of From Fatigued to Fantastic! (Avery/Penguin Group, 3rd revised edition 2007), Pain Free 1-2-3 (McGraw-Hill), and Three Steps to Happiness! Healing Through Joy (Deva Press).
Dr. Teitelbaum knows CFS/Fibromyalgia as an insider. He contracted Chronic Fatigue Syndrome when he was in medical school and had to drop out for a year to recover. In the ensuing 30 years, he has dedicated his career to finding effective treatment. His web site endfatigue.com contains a sophisticated free computer program for analyzing symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome, which can create a complete medical record of a patient's case to help patients and physicians determine the best course of treatment to get well.

Extra Long Winter and Sickness

This has been a killer winter all over the United States.  From one storm after another, extreme cold, and many illnesses.  Then you come to my house.  LOL!

Actually winter has been very long here in Michigan, but even though we have had above average snowfall it seems like we have had very little on the ground at any given time.  Where we live in southeast Michigan snow comes and goes.  We joke, if you don't like the weather wait 10 minutes it will change.  We can see every season in one day here.

 Long, dark, cold days wreck havoc on a body with Fibromyalgia.  Cold makes us hurt.  Long, dark days of winter messes with our moods, which can and does worsen Fibromyalgia.  Then of course there is the other wonderful thing winter brings.  Illnesses.  

I think part of my being down so much both physically and mentally is that I have been so sick this winter.  Much more then I ever am.  The biggest thing is I have had strep 4 times or I never got over it.  Four courses of antibiotics and 3 different ones.  We shall see if this last one I am on now kicks it little streptococcus butts out of my body.  It is so bad this time my tonsils touched one another.  If I don't heal they will be doing further testing to make sure nothing else like Mononucleosis.  Really, at 39 years old I get it possibly. 

I know this winter has been so hard on my boys.  They can't get out and run and play.  Mom is crabby and sick most of it, plus the pesky ankle that they may do surgery on now.  They are getting left out much more then I want or like.  Maybe that is why they act so wild at home.  I am lucky they are good out of the house, but everything at home is a battle.  I try not to put too much of my bad stuff on them, but when I can't get out of bed, they don't get the mom they need and deserve. 

I am trying to be better everyday.  Catch up some things that have gone by the wayside, keep my patience in check, and be a mom they need.  I love my family more then the world and hate that so many physical aliments keep me from them.  More support is need to help others like us.  Until then we need to lean on one another and spread the word and get support for Fibromylgia.  As more learn the devastation of this condition hopefully there will be more understanding, treatments, and help for those inflicted.

Spring Break & Letting Boys Down

Feeling like a really horrible mom this morning.  Only a few days of Spring Break left for my boys this year and I have spent so much time in pain and anguish.  Today is a very bad day physically.  I can barely walk from the pain in my lower back and hip, not to mention that stupid ankle that won't heal.

Nicholas is spending a few days at a friends house so he at least is having a bit of fun, but I have the other 2 at home.  We are going to Great Wolf Lodge for a little one night getaway this weekend, but I feel like I have not done anything with the boys because since the weekend of Bridal Party duties I have been so flared. 

It breaks my heart that pain takes so much away from me and the boys.  I would love to get out and do something fun, though outside isn't an option because of the weather, but I am sure I could find something to do if I felt better.  The pain medicines make me sleep.  If I don't take them I am in pain and a grouch.  Either way we don't get good time together.

I love them so much and it hurts to see them not get to do things because of me.  They are not asking to do anything and seem happy watching TV and playing, but as a mom I would like to do more for them to make Spring Break more memorable.  I hope Great Wolf will be that time.  I will plow through that no matter what, but until then I feel as though I am a royal disappointment. 

Bridesmaid Duties Love/Hurt Relationship

This past weekend was a lot of fun.  My best friend from high school is finally getting married in May and this past weekend was her weekend.  We had the bachlorette party and bridal shower all in one weekend due to out of town bridal party members.

Saturday night was the bachlorette party.  Besides having a bit, maybe bit too much, to drink I was completely off my sleep schedule.  I don't do late nights often at all as they affect me way too much.  The killer was the dancing though, but my friend loves to dance and I was going to dance with her no matter how much it hurt me.

Sunday was the Bridal Shower.  I know I did not do the majority of the work, but I did everything I was asked and could for it.  Turn out to be a wonderful shower.  By time we left the church after the shower I was barely able to walk.  I helped with all clean up and everything that needed to be done that morning before the shower.  I was happy to help.  Again pushed the body too far.

Now I think I can relax until the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding.  I know that weekend will do me in.  I plan to rest up before and after just like this one.  Since I got home from the shower till now I basically have been in bed and barely able to walk.

I know this is a lot for my body.  I also know I love my friend and would do anything for her and I feel blessed to be part of her biggest day that I plow through with no complaints to her and just do what I can to help myself through.  The hardest part I can think of now is with a bum ankle how am I going to wear hears to walk down the aisle?  As everything else it shall work out one way or the other.