Anxiety Overwhelms

Oh Boy!  It has surely been tough lately for me emotionally.  I am sinking lower and hiding from the world.  The stressors in my life have been non stop.  As you know with Fibromyalgia stress, anxiety and depression go hand in hand and feed off one another.

Since Friday night last week I have had a ton of panic attacks.  Some of it brought on by the fact I realized then I had to put down my beloved Siamese Ate' that has been part of my life for 18 plus years.  She was with me since I have been on my own as an adult.  Saturday morning was extremely sad and difficult for me.

Then my boys who I love more then anything and revolve my life around have been pushing me to my limits.  Complete disrespect for Ed, me and our home.  They trash the house, which I just can't keep up on.  The boys refuse to do their chores or help out.  It does not matter what we take away from them.  Stress, Stress, Stress.  Three boys, 3 stressors. 

Those are big things and usually will stress most anyone at any time.  Well I am noticing little things are getting to me as well.  I drop a fork or something as an example and I will break down and cry.  The tension in body is so bad.  The tension is causing pain.  If you touch me it hurts.  Have to remind hubby to do gentle hugs. 

Called the doctor.  Talked with his nurse and they upped one of my medications and he wants to see me.  The kicker is I can't get in till Monday.  I called this past Monday when I had no control of my panic attacks.  I don't know if I sounded bad, but the nurse made sure I knew where the Psychiatric E. R. was at U of M Hospital.  I am not suicidal.  Just sick of everything.  I am sure I will be a lot better by time I go in so I don't see a point, but I will go and spill the latest to him.  Maybe a medicine change is needed.  I know he wants me in counseling which we have not figured out in our budget, but I may just have to break down and go. 

My husband, Ed has been wonderful.  He is so supportive and loving when I meltdown.  I feel guilty to put it on him, hence more stress, more panic attacks, and more pain.   I am blessed with him and other family and friends who support me and are always there for me when I am down.

Anxiety, Depression, Fibromyalgia play on one another from my experience.  Anxiety causes pain, pain causes Depression and the cycle continues till you can break it.  Someone with our condition of Fibromyalgia has a hard time breaking this cycle.  I do know we need lots of love and support.  Medicines and counseling can help.  Perseverance through life is a must. 

When things overwhelmed you and you don't think you can do it.  Remember you are a worthwhile person and that you are loved.  Get help if need and turn to others who understand.  Never go it alone.

Laundry a Dreaded Job

This a task that must be done and with a family several times a week if not every day.  I just got done reading an article on making laundry easier with Fibromyalgia  on Facebook from About.com.  It was great as I am doing laundry today and I am so far behind on it.  It is the only real task I am doing besides going shopping for tile with hubby when he is home from work.

Ideas to make it easier are many.  Things listed in the article are great and I do some of them myself.  Don't use large baskets.  They are awkward and if loaded up are too heavy for us to carry.  Use small baskets especially if you have to carry up stairs.  I don't carry upstairs as I have my boys put away their own laundry. 

Make sure you take breaks between loads and kinds of loads.  If you have a lot of clothes you must hang either wash with items folded or make sure the next load is a folded load, that way you are doing a repetitive action too many times at one.  When I do laundry I start a load, dry a load and fold a load, then rest till time to switch it all again.  If my boys or husband are home I ask them to help change from washer to dryer to save that bending and twisting step since we do not have a front load set on pedestals.  One thing I want and would recommend to anyone with Fibro or any back problems. 

I have a counter in the laundry room to fold laundry on, but isn't the easiest to use when more then a load or too so I fold laundry in my bedroom on the bed.  The master bedroom is on the main floor so that is not too hard to do if the basket is not too heavy.  Then it all has to be put away before bed.  Each person in our family does their own.  My little trick to get it put away. 

Try and keep your laundry products where you can reach them easily.  Don't buys large containers.  If you want to buy in bulk like I do have a smaller container to divide it up in.  I like powdered soap as I can just take a scoop instead of lifting a large jug. 

I have large baskets in the laundry room to sort clothes into.  Another thing everyone is suppose to do is to sort there clothe accordingly.  Whites, colors, darks, jean, and hubby's work clothes.  Then I don't have to take hampers and sort all at once.  I can run a load when I see the basket is full enough for a load.

Now I do struggle to get everyone to help.  I do get laundry piled in bathrooms or bedrooms and I have to be on the boys and Ed to pick up and sort, but it is a pretty good thing when all do what is expected.  Setting the expectation is the hardest.  Even the youngest at 5 can do these small things to help.  A few simple changes and help from others makes a very hard job into a tolerable one.

Stress, Guilt, Flare

Today is the day of the Flare.  Started off wonderful.  Good news from ankle doctor and physical therapist.  Going to try and wean off therapy session and just do at home.  Insuring, plating, and changing the title of the car we bought for my husband, Ed to drive to work.  Made decision about whether to do floor or get me a car with better gas mileage - floors won. 

We were out running a few more errands.  Then we were going to see about getting the flooring for the kitchen and dining area and maybe the living room even though I was hurting I felt good. Sun was out, a bit warmer then it has been, then BAM!  Our Expedition starts making this noise and rubber burning smell.  OK, we thought tire.  Nope, something blew.

We hobble to O'Reilly's Auto Parts Store to see if we can get tools and parts to fix.  Spark plug was unscrewed not blow, good.  New coil, plug, maybe something else.  Hubby's job.  Got that done still running rough.  I am melting down long before this.  Everything around us has been breaking.

Decide to look at this used Excursion again.  Not sure if we should do it out not.  We decided to see what trade in would be and if we can get a loan.  Some hiccups on credit right now due to so much happening.  Waiting on that answer.  I am not a good waiter.  Gives time to worry and stress. 

Well stress and worry is not something a person with Fibromyalgia should be doing.  Stress either physical or emotional as I have read in many articles is a huge reason for a flare.  Well physically I have had a lot of stress with being sick forever and the ankle.  I have daily stress of the boys, animal, house, etc.  Now all of this car trouble. 

Finally thought we were out of it.  Got Ed a work car, return in laws car after a break down, tow, and easy fix.  Now my vehicle is going to give us an issue???  I am ready to go back to horse and buggy days. 

How come stress must cause pain?  How come I can't deal with the stress?  Stress puts me into panic attacks and flares as well as depression.  Then I am in bed with heat and medicine missing out on my boys.  Then the guilt factor comes in, which causes stress, pain, flares, and attacks.  It is such a vicious circle.  Many will say exercise.  That is something I want to start doing again, but the ankle is not ready quite yet for that. 

Then I have the most wonderful husband who takes care of everything when I am down like this.  He takes care of the boys, orders pizza, tries to reason with me which is not an easy task.  He tries to point out the good and help me not stress and relax.  Of course, I feel guilty for that with how hard he works to take care of the boys and I .  Not all men are the man he is.  Even the boys know to be nice when I am like this.  They may not help out, but they tell me they want me to feel good and not hurt.  They will give gentle hugs. Gentle not easy for boys.

I am blessed in many, many ways, so why do I let myself do this to myself and my family.  I need to learn to handle stress so much better.  I know that exercise is a great stress reliever.  I have started saying nightly prayers again when I go to bed and it does seem to be helping.  Meditation would probably be great too.  Don't know how.  Maybe I need to look that up and start that.  We as Fibromites must keep stress at a minimum or we will be knocked down hard.  I know I have been right now and will struggle for a bit to get control of my body again, so please learn from me to let things go, especially the little things so you can live a better life with less pain.